What on earth is happening to Christian marriages?
I hate seeing people break up; in movies, tv, or real life. I'm still not over the whole Jennifer Aniston/Brad Pitt thing. I don't think anyone enjoys breakups...they hurt...that's why the word 'break' is in them. My heart aches when I see people I know and love (specifically fellow believers) deciding to end their marriage. My heart has been aching a lot lately.
What is happening? Why are people just giving up??? I'm not talking about people in abusive or dangerous relationships, I'm talking about the people who it seems that when it all boils down, they 'just don't feel like it' any more.
This is something that I came across on pinterest. I think it says a lot:
That's infatuation and lust.
Are we so conditioned by movies and television to believe that it isn't love unless it feels like a romantic comedy?
I'm so sorry to blow the lid of a few myths that are out there but I'm still gonna do it:
Noah and Allie (The Notebook) are not real.
Samantha Baker and Jake Ryan (Sixteen Candles) are not real.
Jack and Rose (Titanic) are sooo not real.
And as much as it pains me to admit, Jim and Pam (The Office) are not real.
Those couples are just a few of thousands that people *sigh* over and wish that their current relationship could emulate that kind of 'love'. Their situations are not real. The romance they experience is to sell tickets or hook viewers. It isn't love.
Love is a military wife taking care of her husband after he's been terribly injured in the line of duty.
Love is getting up in the middle of the night taking care of a puking, feverish child.
Love is forgetting your own wants and needs and putting someone else first.
Love is getting that terribly unhealthy treat at the grocery store because you know it'll make your significant other smile.
Love is sticking it out when funds are low and tensions are high.
Love is listening to someone. Maybe not even speaking. Just listening.
I could go on, but 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says it perfectly:
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
Another verse I'd like to point out is Colossians 3:14 "And above these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony." Some days, it's easy to love others, other days, it most definitely is not easy. That is why we are told to put on love. It is a choice. Not just with our spouses, with everyone.
Do not get me wrong: I am not saying that love has to be mundane/ordinary/and just plain no fun. Any marriage can be overflowing with joy. The key ingredient is God. Seeking to put God first in your life will never be something you'll regret.
Some people have probably been in an unsatisfying relationship for a long time. I've seen people leave their spouses because they weren't feeling fulfilled and they needed to pursue what was best for them and their happiness/health/creativity/whatever. Or maybe they just decided that the person they thought was "the one" suddenly didn't feel like "the one" anymore so they now must find a new "the one".
Here's where I get a little blunt.
Two things:
1. If you are seeking to feel satisfied and fulfilled and the only place you are looking is inside yourself or in the flawed superficial world around you, you will be searching and feeling unsatisfied for the rest of your life. We are not put on this earth because we are super cool and the world needed us, we were put on this earth to serve and glorify our Savior and Creator. This is HIS movie, we are extras in the background that are only on screen for 1/8 of a second...if even that long. (Read the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan)
2. The idea of "the one" is so flawed its ridiculous. Believers, if you married him/her, he/she became "the one". Hands down. Trust me, you're not going to feel singing-with-woodland-creatures/dancing-on-furniture in love every second of every day of your marriage. Some days are facepalm-take-a-hot-bath/ go-tinker-in-the-garage-for-a-while days.
I think as a society it has become all too acceptable to quit something that isn't exactly what was hoped for. Leaving marriage for such trivial reasons is a bit like quitting school because nobody spontaneously broke out into song every ten minutes. Marriage takes work! Sometimes problems can't be solved in a half-hour time slot.
I know that there are some of you out there whose marriages are truly struggling. I absolutely do not mean to make light of that. I totally can empathize. I implore you, if you aren't at a place where you even want to try to 'put on love' to your spouse, talk to God. Dedicate (or rededicate) your life to God and He will do things you never even thought possible :)!!! Having a good relationship with God is the foundation for everything. Not just marriage. LIFE...life more abundant at that! I had to come to this point in my life/our marriage not too long ago.
Two years ago, at this exact time of year, Drew and I were separated. God did things during our separation that can only be described as miraculous!!! Before this separation came though, things needed to change. I had to fight for my marriage. My first step was to grow in my relationship with God. I reached out to godly women I knew for encouragement and advice. I also got some good reading material on the subject of marriage. Reading the Bible and drawing nearer to God saved my life and saved our marriage. I can't say it enough: God changed everything. If you or anyone you know needs someone to help, recommend some good reading material, provide encouragement, or even just listen, seriously, I'd be more than happy to help however I can. I can't fix everything, but I know of a Great Physician that is in the business of changing/healing hearts and lives. (Jesus:D!!!)
Drew and I recently took a class that was offered at our church called The Art of Marriage. (If you've got the opportunity to take it, I highly recommend it!!! Such great material, such great conversations.) There were videos that went along with each lesson that had real couples sharing their marriage story. One couple in particular stood out: a couple who was set to divorce and decided to try marriage counseling. The husband desperately wanted to save his marriage and had turned his life over to God and it changed him in such a wonderful way. The wife was a Christian as well, but she was just 'over it'. She said the only reason she even agreed to go to counseling was so that she could say she went, but it still just didn't work out. In one of their counseling sessions, their pastor asked her, "Do you believe that Christ died on the cross to save you from your sins, and rose three days later?" She said, "Well, yes." The pastor replied, "But you don't think He can save your marriage?"
Believer, God created marriage to be a beautiful thing. I could write a million (imperfect!) blog entries on this subject, but for now, I leave you with this personal proof:
If God could not save marriages, Drew and I would long be broken up, and this beautiful proof that miracles do happen would not exist:
Baby Jude <3
Thank you so much for bearing with me on this :).
Love,
Lauren
